Area one: Knuckle Popping.
I hate it. If you commit this heinous act of self-abuse in my presence, the disgust will register in my face contorting it into a look of horror you'll not soon forget. However, I may pop my trick shoulder (the left) as often as I deem necessary. Which is a lot. I mean, a lot a lot.
Area number two: Gum chewing.
This is the more intense neighbor of the knuckle popping. If you chew gum around me, expose gum to me in any form (chewed, unchewed, packaged, etc)I will recoil as though being advanced upon by a leprous beast shooting laser beams and poison darts out of its eyes. If I could hide, I would. Instead, I just focus on breathing and keeping my dry heaves to a minimum. However, I may suck on mints and all manner of hard candies making a light slurping sound which probably registers the same decibel level as gum chewing.
Finally, flowery writing.
Nothing "grinds my gears (FG reference)" more than a writer who has to doll up their writing with more bells and whistles than a train station. To me, writing is like a good pizza. Adding too many toppings compromises the integrity of the food and confuses the palate. Keep it simple, keep it tasty. When a writer style clearly screams "Look here! I've managed to capture the forty colors of sadness all with a swipe of my pen!" I can only roll my eyes and pop my trick shoulder a few times. Yet, I, like a Domino's employee with too much time on my hands, am so very often guilty of throwing whatever may be lying around my mental kitchen into my writing. Olives, artichokes, sun dried tomatoes! Allegories! Syndecdoche! Hyperbole! More toppings more, more flare! All too late I realize I've got nothing but a junk-laden pizza that nobody wants to eat. Or read.
So what is the point of all of this? Am I going to change my wicked ways? Not likely. Acknowledging one's hypocrisy, however certainly does make for some interesting self reflection. And what goes better with self reflection than a nice, slice of pizza?
I think what it all comes down to is that we're all human. Everyone has at least one pet peeve (I have many), but no one is without at least one annoying fault in at least one person's eyes. I personally take issue with stupidity--I'm talking people who have not (yet) joined the ranks of the Darwin awards simply out of pure, dumb luck. Dumb people annoy me to no end, which is super judgmental, but I just can't help it. Second to stupidity are rude, mean people. I hate hateful people with a passion, and I seriously wish every bully out there would jump off a cliff with all of the dumb-asses. Is that mean?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I'm sure I annoy the heck out of countless people with my incessant need to a) give my opinion on EVERYTHING, b) promote my erotica, c) chew my fingers, and d) move around/adjust myself in a (typically failed) attempt at getting comfortable despite having an arthritic body that hates me.
How's that for a slice? ;-P
For the record Lisa, I found none of those aspects about you annoying. I was pleased to have a colleague as opinionated as I! I'm sad we don't have any classes together. Maybe in grad school? And mean, dumb people can just go away with the knuckle poppers and gum chewers!
ReplyDeleteI bite my cheek when my brain is getting intense on me, but I HATE, HATE, HATE when people chew on their nails. Gross.
ReplyDeleteFlowery writing also makes my gut wrench like a drunken hoboess who has consumed much too much leftover, abandoned dumpster pizza with artichokes.
The End.